Who is Scar Quilse?

Born in a trowie mound (or Pictish broch) behind Mavis Grind in the North Mainland of Shetland, Scar Quilse is an enigma wrapped in a Fair Isle gansie. Or a conundrum. Or both.

Scar is a distant cousin of the infamous "musician" Zander 'Blind Boy' Flugga, eventually banned from appearances on BBC Radio Scotland after the unfortunate 'Dolphinsludgegate' events.

He is well known in the isles for his peculiar beard.

Monday, 16 June 2014

It Wisnae Me (The CyberNat Song)


                                     
Two tins of superlager, feeling no pain
I start typing away as fast as wee Patrick Kane
Searching for unionists on the internet
I hunt them down like dogs every chance I get
But
It wisnae me
It wisnae me
I’m as nice as nice can be
I don’t even shout at the BBC
Unless I’m pissed
Then I turn into a nationalist

They say I’m a Nazi, what a load of dross
You take just one selfie with one iron cross
It wisnae even real I made it myself
From a Commando Comic cover and some fuzzy felt

That wee Ruth Davidson, she does karate
I’ll just pretend I’m in the Tory Party
If she turns up at the front door of my hoose
And then I’ll turn my pitbull Nicola loose

See all yon civic nationalism stuff?
After a while everybody's had enough
You don’t say you hate the English till you’ve had a few drams
Then you hit that keyboard and you feel like a real man

But
It wisnae me, it wisnae me
I'm as nice as nice can be
I never even shout at the BBC
Unless I'm pished
Then I turn into a nationalisht...


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1 comment:

  1. scotleag27 June 2014 at 18:51

    All good stuff, Tom and looking forward to more much-needed humour injected over the coming weeks as the campaign ramps up and gets even nastier. For me, this is the best so far. It hits the nail on the head and could be taken as social comment rather than satire, as you'll know from your own experiences after your recent Guardian article.

    I was a year below you at school (four below Michael Russell) and can recall that even then you were determined on a journalistic career (Eikon editor I think). Good luck with the songs, be thankful you're far away from cybernat central, but keep a tin hat just in case.

    I append my own little ditty for perusal. I can't write my own tunes however and have to steal from the old ones.

    Written about the continuing support of the SNP by bus tycoon, religious crank, and notorious homophobic bigot Brian Souter. And their willingness to take his money.

    SOUTER’S CANDY
    (Tune: Coulter’s Candy, by Robert Coltard}

    Alex Salmond, ally bally bee
    Sitting oan yer financier’s knee
    Greeting fur mair bawbees
    Tae be bribed by Souter’s Candy

    Souter, he’s an awfy man.
    Thoct Section 28 wiz grand
    Yon gays jist didnae understand
    The power o’ Souter’s candy

    Alex Salmond, ally bally bee
    Sitting oan yer financier’s knee
    Greeting fur mair bawbees
    Tae be bribed by Souter’s Candy

    But why support the SNP
    They wanted bus regulation ye see
    But then they jist said let things be
    When they got some Souter’s Candy

    Alex Salmond, ally bally bee
    Sitting oan yer financier’s knee
    Greeting fur mair bawbees
    Tae be bribed by Souter’s Candy

    The cry was heard a’ ower the toon
    Here’s auld Souter comin’ roon
    Tae sup wi him ye need a lang spoon
    Never mind his Souter’s candy

    Alex Salmond, ally bally bee
    Sitting oan yer financier’s knee
    Greeting fur mair bawbees
    Tae be bribed by Souter’s Candy

    ReplyDelete

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